10 Mindset Shifts for Coping with Your Ex

Dealing with your ex or soon-to-be ex can be a headache. Generally, you can’t “fix” that person to your liking. If you could do that, you’d probably still be married.

What you can do is gain some peace of mind by changing how you think about your ex. Your thoughts can color your emotions as well as determine your actions. Fortunately, you can choose thoughts that help you deal with your ex and that support healing from divorce.

Ten Thoughts for More Peace of Mind

1. 1. My former spouse’s choices don’t need to make sense to me.
   2. An emotional break with my former spouse will help me to move on with my life.
   3. I cannot assume responsibility for my former spouse’s behavior.
   4. I will not increase my frustration by trying to control someone I cannot control.
   5. Focusing on my former mate’s annoying ways increases my irritation in a way that interferes with God’s spirit of peace.
   6. I can forgive my former spouse without approving of the behavior I am forgiving.
   7. I will let go of blame and unforgiveness for my own sake.
   8. My children’s sense of loss may be intensified if I dwell on their other parent’s shortcomings.
   9. I will choose my responses to my ex rather than reacting based on his/her behavior.
   10. I will do my best to have a civil relationship with my former spouse for as long as a relationship is required.

Practice the Shift

You can do this! Pick one or two of the above ten mindset shifts and practice those for at least a week until you’ve worked through the list. Post the list where you can see it for a daily reminder.

Your new mindset will help tune you into the reality of the situation and let go of things you can’t control. It won’t change your former spouse’s behavior but it will help you cope.  Your peace of mind is worth it!

Peace my brothers and sisters in Christ!

Renee Smith Ettline