Dealing with Divorce Loss and Grief

My child, don’t lose sight of common sense and discernment. Hang on to them, for they will refresh your soul. Proverbs 3:21:22 NLT

Divorce ended my fairy-tale marriage,” said Susan. “How can I live without him?”

My wife turned into Darth Vader,” said Rusty. “An evil one breathing down my neck. I hate her.”

So, was Susan’s marriage really to a perfect prince or was she looking at her husband through Cinderella eyes? Had Rusty’s wife really gone the way of pure evil or were the difficult dynamics of divorce coloring his view?

By focusing her thoughts on her losses, Susan deepens her grief. Chances are that her husband and marriage weren’t perfect. It is possible that she was in love with the ideal of what marriage could be more than the reality of what her marriage had become. After all, the marriage ended in divorce.

On the other hand, Rusty is fueling his anger by seeing his wife as pure evil. She may be difficult to deal with but probably is not without worth. Chances are she has some good traits or he would not have married her.

Can you see what is happening?

Both Susan and Rusty are hindering their own ability to heal from divorce by adopting a slanted view of their former spouse. Chances are neither of their spouses are 100% good or 100% bad.

Get Real to Heal

Are you feeding your sense of loss or inflaming your anger by thinking that your ex-spouse is either totally good or totally bad? Stop doing that to yourself! Getting a realistic view of your former or soon to be former spouse will help you to heal.

Think about It…

How do you need to change your thinking about your former spouse so that you can let go of unhealthy emotions?

Talk with God…

God, you know how I feel about my ex. Help me to look at that person in a way that allows me to heal from divorce. Please teach me to have discernment and common sense. Please refresh my soul. In Jesus name I pray.