When Your Spouse Commits Adultery

Heartbroken and Confused

Lightheaded, angry, hurt, devastated, betrayed, disbelief, crushed. One word hardly describes the hole in your heart when you learn your spouse has been unfaithful. The flood of emotions and thoughts defies explanation.

Swirling behind the emotions, the thoughts begin to surface. Do you still love this person? Does infidelity mean your spouse is forever untrustworthy? Should you toss your spouse out with the trash? Is your spouse sorry?  Will (s)he commit fully to you again forever more? Is there any way to make sense of this? What would God have you do? It’s a complicated issue.

Sorting Out the Infidelity

You know from the Scriptures that infidelity is a just cause for divorce. You also know that divorce is not a must in cases of infidelity. So, how do you decide what to do?

Do you continue to live together as married and act like it didn’t happen? Do you separate and seek counseling while you assess the situation? Do you walk away and file for divorce?

There’s no one-size-fits-all answer. You have to assess the particulars of your situation and take the issue to God in prayer. Professional counseling may also help you sort out your next steps.

A Few Questions You Can Ask Yourself

• Does my spouse acknowledge that adultery is not acceptable behavior?
• Is my spouse willing to stop this behavior and never repeat it again?
• Does my spouse’s behavior over time reflect true repentance?

One thing is for sure, just learning to live with ongoing adultery doesn’t make for a healthy Christian marriage. Toughing it out digs deeper wounds.

Actions Speak Volumes

Apologies are a start but don’t mean much unless someone is willing to change their behavior over a period of time. If your spouse is repentant then he or she will be willing to recommit to you and to earnestly work on the marriage. Just saying that isn’t enough.

Professional marriage counseling can help you both identify steps for rebuilding your relationship. On the other hand, if your partner isn’t willing to go to marriage counseling, personal counseling may help you evaluate your circumstances and make sound decisions. Personal counseling may also help the cheating spouse and can be a good resource if that person is serious about understanding and changing their behavior.

Am I Still Worthy?

Having your spouse cheat on you can crush your sense of self-worth. He or she may even blame you for the affair. The truth is, your spouse  is responsible for his or her own choices.

That your spouse has been unfaithful doesn’t mean you are worth less. It means that person made a poor decision that violates the marriage vows. Don’t let someone else’s bad choices crush your self-esteem.

God knows what you’re going through. Take your situation to God in prayer and ask for direction. God loves and values you very much!

…preserve sound judgement and discernment, do not let them out of your sight; they will be life for you….” Proverbs 3:21 NIV