Three Pitfalls of the Loneliness of Divorce

I’m so lonely, I just want to find someone.”

Are you feeling lonely due to separation and divorce? How are you handling it? Here are three pitfalls and what you can do about them.

But before we hit the list let’s be real.  Getting over loneliness associated with the end of your marriage takes time. The good news is that feeling better can happen faster if you’re intentional about embracing time alone and getting over loneliness.

3 Pitfalls of Divorce Loneliness

1.   Staying Excessively Busy

Because most people don’t want to face a lonely heart there can be a tendency to avoid dealing with it by staying very busy. Activity may provide a distraction and temporarily ease stress. The problem is when constant busyness keeps you from healing.

Better Choice: Everyone needs a break from stress so enjoy getting out and being around people. Also take some of that energy and attend a divorce support group, or a group on how to heal from divorce. Seek counseling. Read books on healing from divorce. Hiding from the hurt stagnates you. Facing it and dealing with it allows you to clear it away and move beyond the hurt. Being alone doesn’t have to be lonely.

2.   Looking for Love

Do you find yourself longing for someone to replace the lost love. That’s normal but dangerous when you are still hurting from divorce. Neediness can leave you vulnerable to letting your need override your judgement landing you in a bad relationship.

Better Choice: Shift your focus. Decide to wait. Focus your thoughts on discovering yourself and healing your pain. Pursue interests that have laid dormant. Build your sense of confidence. Build your relationship with God. Once you become centered without needing to have a partner you will be in a much better place for a healthy relationship. It is worth the wait.

3.   Dwelling on the Loss

Are you spending a lot of time dwelling on the losses in your life? Dealing with your losses is healthy. Grieving is healthy. Getting stuck for an extended time in a state of woe-is-me is draining.

Better Choice: Decide to become proactive about healing from divorce. Make choices to replace self-defeating thoughts with thoughts that move you forward. Be deliberate about re-framing your thoughts.

Enrich Your Life

American poet May Sarton said,

Loneliness is the poverty of self; solitude is the richness of self.

I know it may not come naturally but look at time alone as a blessing. Solitude can provide time to work through emotions, thoughts, and beliefs. Feelings of loneliness will likely fade as you begin to build a sense of yourself and to define your new life in positive ways. Talk daily with God about everything.

Christian Inspiration:

The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing.

Zephaniah 3:17 NIV