When Your Ex is Taking Advantage of You

When Your Ex is Too Much

Do you feel like your ex is taking advantage of you or violating your rights?

If that’s the case, it can be really frustrating. Feelings, either good or bad, that you have for your ex can make it hard to think logically about how to handle these situations. So, what can you do to protect yourself and feel less frustrated?

You can’t control your ex but you can control your own words and behavior in your interactions with them.  So, my question to you is this…what consequences can you allow to help communicate to your ex that this behavior isn’t going to be tolerated?

When Words Alone aren’t Enough

When someone persists with inappropriate behavior after you’ve asked them to stop, you may reach a point where you realize you need a new strategy. Allowing your ex to experience logical consequences for their choices tends to carry far more weight that just words. One way to do this is by setting healthy boundaries.

Setting boundaries for how you will allow yourself to be treated isn’t mean if handled appropriately. You don’t need to be aggressive to communicate that you will no longer allow yourself to be mistreated. Stay calm. You do need to know what behaviors you will and won’t accept.

Here is one example:

If your ex tends to get nasty with you on the phone, set a boundary. It might sound something like this, “I will talk with you on the phone about the business we need to handle, but I will no longer stay on the phone when you start verbally attacking me.” The next time the conversation turns nasty, the natural consequence is for you to say, “You are attacking me now. Either stick to the topic or I’m going to hang up and we can talk later when you are ready to focus on the topic we need to discuss.”

Consequences have no meaning unless they are implemented.

Learn to set healthy boundaries. Cloud and Townsend have an excellent book called, Boundaries that is written from a Christian perspective. You’ll find it in most online bookstores.

In setting healthy boundaries you show respect not only for yourself but also for God’s natural order of things as illustrated in Galatians 6:4-5. You’ll gain more respect and reduce the mistreatment you experience. You’re worth that!

“Each one should test his own actions. Then he can take pride in himself, without comparing himself to somebody else, for each one should carry his own load.”

Prayer

God thank you for creating consequences to help us learn how to act. Help me to respect myself enough to set boundaries and allow appropriate consequences when dealing with others.