…I am in deep distress. My problems go from bad to worse. Oh save me from them all! Feel my pain and see my trouble.”
When you’re feeling empty and lonely after divorce you may feel like you’re living this Psalm. (25:16-17) Coping with the heartache of loss is draining and painful. It’s hard to know what to do. We just want someone to save us from it all and fill the hole in our hearts that was created by divorce.
Why So Empty and Lonely after Divorce?
Causes for that empty feeling may seem obvious because there are so many losses with divorce. Your spouse is gone. Your lifestyle has changed, and it seems the world has shifted under your feet.
But, beneath the obvious reasons for feeling empty there may be these haunting questions:
- What if I’m not lovable?
- What if no one else will have me?
- What if I’ll be alone forever?
If you’re asking these questions then it’s time to discover yourself again. Once you do, I’m pretty sure you will find that you are really quite lovable. And, if there are things you need to do for self-improvement, now is the perfect time. So, let’s get started.
6 Tips to Help End the Emptiness
- Avoid Getting Burnt. When you were a kid and your dog died, you parents may have eased you pain by getting a new dog. We learn the lesson of replacing our losses. So, after divorce there can be a natural tendency to find someone else to ease the pain. Plus, we may think finding someone else will prove we are still lovable. That’s a good way to get burnt. Seeking love when needy opens us up to faulty judgement and getting hurt again. Heal your divorce wounds first.
- Become Intentional about Healing from Divorce. You can choose to move your life forward from the emptiness. Healing from divorce is a decision, a process, and a journey of faith. It starts with your decision not to stay empty.
- Keep Your Perspective. What you’re going through now won’t last forever. If your friends are adding to your emptiness with their comments and questions about your ex or your divorce, tell them to stop. You need to know you can move to a better place. Stay away from people who bring you down if they refuse to stop it.
- Speak Words of Affirmation to Yourself. Words are powerful. I will find healing. I am valuable. I have these strengths…. I am worthy. I am lovable. Self-talk is a powerful weapon against the emptiness of divorce.
- Discover Yourself. What interests do you have that went by the wayside when you were married? What skills or hobbies do you want to learn? What things bless your life? How do you want to grow now that you have the freedom of singleness?
- Get Support. Professional counseling may be a good option to help you learn how to fill the emptiness. Support groups can also help. Groups, like Peace after Divorce, that guide you through action steps that support healing are especially valuable.
Choose to Move beyond the Emptiness
It takes time but you can choose to move beyond the emptiness created by divorce. Take a good look at yourself and get whatever help you need. Pray for insight. As you work to love yourself and heal your divorce wounds you will start to feel less empty.
Remember, no other human can make you whole. Only God can do that. In fact, you can learn your worth and find fulfillment as you lean into him and let him guide you every day. In doing these things you set yourself up for a fulfilling single life as well as the possibility of a better human love relationship in the future.
You are lovable. You are.
I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go;
I will counsel you and watch over you.
Psalm 32:8 NIV
Important: Seek professional help immediately if you find yourself coping with self-destructive thoughts.
Need More Help Getting Past Feeling Empty and Lonely after Divorce?
The Peace after Divorce Workshop walks you through strategies that can help. Click a link below to learn more.
About the Author
Welcome to my blog! I’m Renee Smith Ettline. If you’re feeling empty from divorce I know exactly how that feels. It’s no fun at all. Because I’ve been there it’s really important to me to let you know you don’t have to stay there. Your life can be so much more! You can know joy again. Supporting you in your move from emptiness and pain is the reason I wrote the book Peace after Divorce and created the Peace after Divorce Workshop. You can move to a better place. So, click a link above and get started now!
Background: Renee is an award-winning author, founder of After Divorce Ministries, LLC and creator of the Peace after Divorce Workshop. She has been leading divorce recovery groups for many years. Named Outstanding Counselor of the Year by the Tri-County Association of Counseling and Development, she is an education counselor who has worked in colleges, schools, and industry. She uses her background and Christian faith to support others in healing from divorce.