How Can I Stop Thinking about My Divorce?
Would I ever be able to stop thinking about my divorce? I wasn’t sure. Questions and memories swirled in my mind. Their ever presence was wearying. I felt haunted by my marriage and divorce.
I replayed conversations, relived conflicts, and re-asked questions over and over again.
Why did he leave? What could I have done differently? How could I have…. Why didn’t I…. And the list goes on.
The Struggle is Real
How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and day after day have sorrow in my heart? Psalm 13:2
David, author of this Psalm, wasn’t to the best of my knowledge writing about divorce. Yet, he too struggled to rid himself of troubling sorrowful thoughts. And, for him as well as for us, the emotions and thoughts are intensely intertwined.
Thoughts about Your Divorce
Major life changes rock our boats. If you find yourself rehashing thoughts about your marriage and divorce you’re not alone. We have a natural need to want our world to make sense. So, our brain seeks answers and relives memories, all in an effort to find something that makes sense.
4 Tips to Help You Stop Thinking about Your Divorce
So, thinking about your divorce is understandable but how do you let those thoughts go? You’re already growing tired of focusing your attention on such thoughts or you wouldn’t likely be reading this article. Here are four tips to get you started.
1. Realize that thinking about your divorce repeatedly is common for a while.
If you’re having trouble letting go of thoughts about your divorce you’re not alone. You may need to give yourself time to process the thoughts you’re having. That’s actually healthy as well as normal. That said, there comes a point at which you’re ready to stop thinking about your divorce.
2. Ask yourself: What purpose does this thought serve?
Your repeated thoughts represent things you’re still dealing with from your divorce. Ask yourself why you think you are having a specific thought repeatedly. Your answer may point you to action steps you can take to put this thought behind you. On the other hand, you may come to realize that there is really nothing you can do at this point to fix the problem that causes the thought. Accepting that reality may help you let go of that thought.
3. Ask God: What do you want me to learn from this?
So often questions have no answers. Or, there are answers but not ones that really makes you feel any better. If you continue to ask yourself questions about the past that have no answer, you will stay stuck in the past. Instead, seek to know what God wants you to learn. Doing this has the ability to move you to a better place.
As you work through the answers to the two questions above you may find that thoughts about your divorce naturally subside.
4. Replace Haunting Thoughts
Sometimes just letting go of a thought isn’t so easy. And, those undesirable thoughts can have a way of resurfacing. Because of this it is enormously helpful to have a replacement thought you can zap in its place as needed. I’m not simply talking about positive thinking. I’m talking about a thought that directs your attention away from the past and onto a hopeful future. Better yet, seek thoughts that redirect your attention to the promises of God.
Even David does this. He expresses his sadness and discouragement to God then turns right around and reminds himself of the goodness of God just three verses later.
But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. Psalm 13:5
Harness the Power of Your Thoughts
Your thoughts about separation and divorce, being single, your ex, the circumstances related to your divorce, and even your thoughts about God have a monumental impact on your ability to heal from divorce. Thoughts are powerful and closely tied to your emotions and sense of well-being. Thoughts can keep you tied to the past or set you on a positive new course.
The good news is that with time and intention you can work through the healing needed. You can start to shift your thoughts to those of promise and hope. By working through the concerns your thoughts bring to light, and viewing them as a learning experience, you can start to reduce their frequency and their negative power in your life.
Talk with God
Father, I am tired of thinking about my divorce. Please help me resolve the things that are still troubling me. Guide me in acceptance of things I can no longer do anything about. Lead me in finding thoughts that deliver me to your hope and peace. In Jesus’s name I pray. Amen
Get More Help
If you’d like more help on shifting your thoughts away from divorce read Renee’s book, Peace after Divorce, or join a Peace after Divorce Workshop group near you.
Can’t find one near you? Give this link Offer a Christian Divorce Support Group to your church and ask them to offer a group.
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