Saving Your Mental Health when Coping with Divorce

When you’re coping with divorce, how do you get past the painful things that still hurt? How do you restore your mental health when someone walked away, quit caring, or chose to simply give up on your marriage?  How do you heal your heart?

Left unaddressed, the pain can color your whole life and affect your mental health.  Don’t let that happen to you!

While you can’t change the realities of the past you can work to resolve the pain. Painful memories may still surface but with time and intent you can refuse to let the experiences of divorce drain your heart and mind forever.

But, how do you do this?  How do you save your mental health and keep your heart from becoming bitter?  How do you let go of the hurt when the wrongs done to you justify your feelings?

At face value it may seem counter intuitive but one key factor is to forgive.

Wait, don’t click away!   

I get it that coping with divorce is hard and you have every right to your feelings.  What’s more, it’s highly likely you feel like your ex doesn’t deserve to be forgiven and you probably feel that way for a very good reason.  And, things like abuse are really unforgivable if you think of forgiveness as equivalent to approval or reconciliation.  Abuse is never okay.  You have every right to set boundaries with your ex.

That said, I want to help you rethink the concept of forgiveness when it comes to divorce.

Forgiveness is a choice to clear the lingering pain of resentment out of your heart.

You see, understanding forgiveness as described below can improve your mental health.

5 Things You Need to Know

1. Forgiveness isn’t about the other person.  Forgiveness is about you.  Forgiveness is a choice to clear the lingering pain out of your heart. Forgiveness is between you and God.
2. Forgiveness doesn’t require reconciliation.  You can forgive in your heart without subjecting yourself to further mistreatment from someone.
3. Forgiveness isn’t a stamp of approval.  Forgiveness doesn’t mean what the other person has done is okay.
4. Forgiveness brings you closer to God.  Forgiveness clears your heart of negative clutter and opens you to a closer positive relationship with God.
5. Forgiveness isn’t a one-time event.  Forgiveness has to be done over and over again in your own mind until you clear out the bitterness.  It takes time and a commitment to stop living in resentment and anger.

Forgiveness starts with a choice you make to work on healing your own pain with God’s help.  It happens in small steps.  Forgiveness helps you heal.

Are you ready to relieve yourself of bitterness?  Ask God to walk with you daily on the journey of forgiveness.  You’ll be glad you did.

Talk with God

Father, this is hard.  I know I need to let go of bitterness for my own good but I need your help.  Please help me to trust that you want more for me than dwelling in the hurt of the past.  I am choosing to let go of the pain so that it doesn’t play an active role in my life as I go forward.  Help me day-by-day in this journey.  Lead me to your joy.  In Jesus’ name.  Amen.

Forgive us our sins, for we also forgive everyone who sins against us. And lead us not into temptation.” Luke 11:4