Coping with Divorce Anxiety

Divorce anxiety seemed to loom so large that I lived with my fists clenched. It was one way my body dealt with the tension. I often clinched my fists without even realizing it.

Divorce can do that to you.

A pastor friend noticed one day.  Then he looked at his hands and clenched his fists just as he could see me clinching mine.

He said, “You’re not meant to go through life like this.”

Slowly, he lifted his hands and opened his fingers palms up. He looked down at his palms and then up at me.

“Release those troubles to God,” he said. “You don’t have to hold on to them.”

A sense of relief washed over me.  As I opened my hands I realized just how much anxiety was stored up in my clinched muscles.  Until that moment I hadn’t fully realized what stress was doing to my body.

But, How Could I Truly Let Go of Divorce Anxiety when I had Every Reason to be Stressed?

It was a nice idea and in the moment felt like such a relief. But, in light of my circumstances fully releasing my problems to God just didn’t sound realistic.  Could I really do it on an ongoing basis? I just wasn’t sure.

Later I told my sister about the conversation.  Her response threw me off guard. She said, “Then I hope you get sunburned palms.”  It took me a few seconds before her point sank in but, there it was.

Simply opening my clinched palms once wasn’t enough. I needed to live a life of upturned palms.

5 Things I Learned about Letting Go of Divorce Anxiety

This simple story had a pretty great impact on my ability to handle anxiety. Here are five things I learned.

1. Pay attention to what your body is telling you about your stress level.
2. Stop several times a day to consciously release stress from your body.  It may be through prayer, exercise, deep breathing, or simply opening your clinched hands and intentionally relaxing all the muscles in your body.
3. Talk with insightful friends or family when anxiety starts to get the best of you. You never know what pearls of wisdom they may offer. Plus, sharing your concerns or simply connecting with others can help relieve your stress.  Peace after Divorce support groups can really help as can seeing a professional counselor.
4. Get Son burned palms.  Make it a way of life to give your anxiety to God.  His consolation will bring you joy.
5. Repeat as often as needed. Divorce anxiety doesn’t fully go away quickly.  Having strategies to cope can really make a difference.

Talk with God

Christ came to lift our burdens.  We have to choose to release our grip. Doing so requires that we become intentional about letting go.  Talk with God now about your own divorce anxiety.

When I said, “My foot is slipping,” your unfailing love, Lord, supported me.   When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought me joy.”  Psalm 94:18-19

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Revised and edited from a post that appeared December 24, 2013.